“…poetry makes nothing happen: it survives” -W.H. Auden
The wish to kiss your eyelids &
that heavy weight of images
forever haunting you.
You’re no Princess & I’m
I cannot rescue you &
you can’t rescue me.
I still so madly want to believe
“I am with you / and know how it is”*.
I know nothing of your suffering,
that yours leaves scars & so does mine.
I’ve nothing left to write about, except
that will not leave me:
a Guillotine quick & clean,
in the most golden
morning light we’ve ever seen in our lives,
leaving only beauty behind,
the beauty of suffering.
Until all that remains are the memories
that help you perservere
The weight of the rain cripples the name
of a person in a place
you swore never to forget or
let the silence
& the songs & the long moments
of hands twisting time with bodies
entwined in nights we wish would never die,
yet all things must eventually fade away
but time hasn’t taken us yet & so
there’s no reason
to forget everything even as we
let go of what once was.
Some nights we cannot see the Moon,
but during others it’s
repeats the silver nights
precluding the golden mornings
“on peut pas vivre d’amour et d’eau fraich”
& then when
the morning light made me choke as
how the gentle susurration blended
with the birdsong & the light
curved like the branches above us
skin within which poison blends with pollen
& flowers blossom before I pluck them
to place in your hair where
they will wither & die.
The past still lingers in the present,
& refuses to leave with the grace
of living things.
This is what regret means:
never to forget someone
knowing of all the lives that could have been;
for the last time.
Nothing left but the wet
but something else;
unheimlich; the body
though not yet cold;
failing to feel the ground
beneath my feet
I leave the room
to try & force my fists & skull
through a wall.
Sometimes I forget that you’re gone.
Sometimes I hate you for leaving,
but as you told me “c’est la vie:
la tristesse sera fini bientôt,
mais je suis désolé mon enfant.”
Sometimes I forget your face & panic.
Sometimes I take solace knowing
that now you’re nothing
& sometimes I can’t stand it.
My greatest regret will forever be
not being there to see
your final breath.
what I whispered to you when
all energy had left
will remain a secret
I will keep forever…
* Iron Chic – Know What I Mean, Jellybean
With your tongue in my mouth
you try to tease out
the secret of my silence,
but I keep it hidden
full of dead
With your tongue in your mouth
you make sounds
that unfold my rib cage, take
each strange organ
in your hands &
show me that
bones need not be broken
to be open.
in the blue reflection of your ocean
eyes, the poison in these organs
rise like vapour to the sky;
that ocean brings me back to life.
So let me in
if I will sink