Gauze of syntax & semantics
the sentences
revealing only the wounds still healing
&
the ecsatsy of feeling the sunlight on our skin.
Rebel, live, suffer, blossom
within the eternal summer*
& hold firm with your empty hands…
*Reistance, Rebellion & Death – Albert Camus * – Albert Camus
Through the Forest,
through
a thousand years of struggle,
I finally find the clearing
but see nothing,
only
empty space & the remains
of all those who’ve been here before.
There is nothing here for me
so
I’ll continue to wander through the trees
until
I can see
the sky,
where
true beauty &
meaning
hide as
I lose myself in the story
I read yet still
don’t understand.
The horizon slits the throat of the morning sun
& we become the mistakes
we filled the night with our complaints
of how your father hit you;
the man who raped you
& your drunken mother.
All I mention is my punishment for carving
“Nature is a whore” onto my desk at school:
My suicide attempts could wait.
Blood spreads across the sky &
we’ve drunk all the wine.
So what do we do now?
Return to the pain & the same
old memories we long since learnt
to repress?
Or should we press our flesh together
laying like cats in the sun;
surrounded by the silence that speaks from the trees
& breathe?
Do you remember the faces
of all those abandoned buildings,
mocking us
like a metaphor we wanted but could never touch?
& so how we turned to punk & the band that
turned to shit
because we fucked up by being too fucked up
on speed, weed, drink &
the fear
of the stage we were too afraid to admit?
Sometimes,
I miss those days:
There’s a freedom in nihilism
so often forgotten or ignored;
nothing hurts those who believe in nothing
& care only for the comfort of pleasure.
The last man
cannot be turned back after walking the path
for too long.
That place was a contusion upon
the surface of the earth & we
were the worms
crawling in the dirt…
but at least we weren’t alone.
Somehow,
togethewe created a nostalgia
I can still feel,
& when our mistakes drift away
one day,
they will join the birds
who will sing for us instead.
Closed fists with
nothing in his hands but
the dirt under his nails.
He tries to restrain himself yet
the eyes betray. The eyes always betray.
Loneliness, fear, confusion, repression:
they decay & the rotten
fruit grows the mould of aggression.
All living things deserve sympathy
in one way or another
but we should not mistake this
for permission.
It is September.
The apples will not stay ripe forever.
