Ocean Eyes

With your tongue in my mouth
you try to tease out
the secret of my silence,

but I keep it hidden
                    like
a garden
        full of dead
                    & dying
flowers.

With your tongue in your mouth
you make sounds
that unfold my rib cage, take
each strange organ
in your hands &
show me that
bones need not be broken
                        to be open.
 
                  Somehow,
in the blue reflection of your ocean
eyes, the poison in these organs
rise like vapour to the sky;

somehow,
        that ocean brings me back to life.

So let me in
            & see
if I will sink

            or swim.

Harmonic Shivers

For S

The heart is only an organ:
anthropomorphisation of the flesh
is just another lie
                   but
poetry doesn’t need truth:

My heart speaks to you
& my skin dreams of you.
Harmonic shivers* slither up my spine
whenever I think of all those times we
spent together.

My fingertips have memories
of what we did to each other;
my liver is in mourning, my
veins keep flowing
     as my spine
                is shivering.

* Shivers – Against Me!

Élégiaque

For A

I no longer see why I should try not to relent
when the instinct kicks in:
fight or flight will never be a choice for
creatures like me:

some mammals just freeze…

but anyway,
please go ahead & tell me
about the problems
that weigh you down;

                    tell me about
the rivals who now also know
the sweet taste of your mouth,
                            & the others
that now know the secrets you hide inside…

Without you,
I see no reason not to think about
the old city & about
that lost life all the time:

a bride deprived of sensation & sight
after the bitter disappointment of
                                another dismal,
cliché wedding night,
through the senseless everything
I want to run,
              run,
run
      away
into
the bathetic,
self-inflicted
fuck up
of oblivion,

longing to forget everything,
except a dream I think I once had

I (still) adore you

For S

Every time we’re near enough to touch
                                    each other,
my body forgets the regrets
                           buried deep
in my mind & in my liver.

Do you remember when
we listened to that cover song
below a muted sun
                 as we waited
for a plane to take us away?

Just you & me
             singing
& free:

I can’t remember a more beautiful
moment
between us;

I can’t listen to that song
                                       any more…

but I will always adore you
just as we sang to each other
in that final summer

of our happiness.

The End (re-written)

This is a reworked version of a poem posted in haste a couple of weeks ago. The words needed to come out, but they were written in obvious haste.

The original is still on the blog, because I feel that the raw immediacy, for all it’s lack of dignity, still contains some value…

One last mouldering kiss,
before your lips let slip
a cut that split my tongue apart.

Our internal heat lost all warmth;
a distance so vast in a space so small.

Now nothing remains between us,
but bodies diving deep into silence,

As I try to hide my aching eyes;
you try to speak;
                but words
are just worms
crawling to the surface
                of my mind:

I can’t hear anything.

The soil is choked by salt:
I have fucked this up.

So let every worm be eaten by birds;
take away every word my love
& let me think no more.

Your eyes,
          your smile & all
those moments together:

soon the touch of those memories
will slowly disappear
& only the faintest trace
                        will remain…

The heart that once pressed against me
every night,
the heart that belongs to you,
will never be close to me again,
                                yet
wherever we find ourselves next,
whoever else we let into our beds,
 
the feeling will always remain in my chest.

How I wish this could be
the end of everything,
                    but it isn’t.

It’s just the end of what was us.