For S

Never let me forget
how much
I wanted to forget
the way you looked when I left you in bed
this morning,
to face the dawn & the dawning
knowledge that the futile elegance of
transcendent vision
allowing us to see
the meaningless mystery
of everything,
means nothing to me
compared to you.

As every breath in my lungs
pulled like wet leaves through mud,
you looked
so beautifully
at peace:

a rare orchid on the far shore of sleep…

In that moment
knowing
I had to tear myself away from you
only to throw myself into
the world where bullshit reigns supreme,
felt like a betrayal
because I forced myself
to forget:

Forgive me.
It was the only way
I could make myself leave the bed;
leave the island of peace
where our bodies press together,
to travel across the filthy sea
of the city
that doesn’t give a fuck about you or me
– or anybody at all –
to work for the wealth of others,
so that we can sleep beneath
a roof & between warm walls;
& we
can eat without the need
to raid bins to survive, & I
can return to you again.

So never let me forget that this human world we live in
is disgusting
& you
are the only reason
I remain within it.