Never let me forget…

For S

Never let me forget
    how much
        I wanted to forget
the way you looked when I left you in bed
    this morning,
to face the dawn & the dawning
knowledge that the futile elegance of
            transcendent vision
allowing us to see
the meaningless mystery
    of nothing,
means nothing to me
        compared to you.

As every breath in my lungs
pulled like wet leaves through mud,
    you looked
        so beautifully
           at peace:

a rare orchid on the far shore of sleep…

In that moment
        I decided
to quit smoking; that moment,
    knowing
I had to tear myself away from you
only to throw myself into
the world where bullshit is King,
    felt like a betrayal
        because I forced myself
to forget:

it was the only way
I could make myself leave
    the bed;
leave the island of peace
    of our bodies
        pressed together,
just to travel
        across the filthy sea
            of the city
that doesn’t give a fuck about you,
    or me
        – or anybody at all –
to work for the wealth of others,
    so that we can sleep beneath
        a roof & between walls;
            so that we
can eat without the need
to raid bins to survive,
    & I
        can return to you
            again.

So never let me forget
that the society we live in is disgusting
    & you
are the only reason
    I remain within it.

Never let me forget.

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