Leave Me Alone

You asked me what I think
                sorrow & regret
will bring,
now the consequence of our decisions
have finally kicked in,

but the silver was stripped from my tongue when
I heard those words I never expected;
when you made me realise
there are some lives you live
& some you leave behind*

There was no answer to give you.

All I can do

is write this ugly poem &
hope that eventually we
can accept the reason

why it had to happen this way…


* Gardenhead/Leave Me Alone
– Neutral Milk Hotel

So much more…

Such repeated Pyrrhic victories it took
for you to see

that the one you used to love, the words
you once could trust,

are gone:
 
           now there’s no one.

But
by some undeserved serendipity
a new dream emerges.

& though we’re only two mammals
who desire the warmth of the other,

we’re also so much more.

The End

Maybe it was just a slip of the tongue
but you seem to have re-written,
the story of what was once you and me;

put as much distance as you can
between then &
                now.

Your eyes,
the smiles & the all that time spent together:

eventually the touch of all those memories
will disappear
& only the faintest trace
will remain…

can believing a lie make it a truth?
because I believe in the lie
that you still love me too;

the heart beating beside me every night,
that heart belongs to you.

Wherever we find ourselves next,
whoever else you let into your bed,
 
the feeling is still in my chest.

What we do

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Tonight,
I will make my way to you
        again.

All night we will talk &
drink wine, while outside
twilight will silently deny
colour to the flowers of your garden.

Inside, we’ll remain ignorant
of all this save
for some ineffable sense of
        absence,

as we talk & laugh.
drink wine & then,
                perhaps,
we’ll fuck.

It’ll be fun
but through it all,
a loneliness will prevail:

The distance between us
is too vast to measure, & we
know that it won’t last forever.

Why do we do this to each other?

Momento from the full moon

For A

Once
I loved someone,
in the same way,
& for the same reason
I love the moon:

you don’t need to see it every day,
to know that you’ll see it again;
you can’t always see it, but
you know it’ll always be there…

…& then
months became years & those years
became the unnoticed mouldering kiss;
a distance turning stale,
old & cold as the
empty bed.

So lonely not knowing how to explain
until too late,
& strange to find how changed
the feeling is when found again;

the pain so far away

just like the Moon.