Rebellion

“With rebellion, awareness is born.” – Albert Camus

When we were young
They told us
“Never look directly at the Sun”.

& for a while we didn’t.

Not from deference
to the authority of parents,
but out of reverence
for the warmth:

It was the animal – the It
& not the I – that compelled us
to wear the warm veil of our eyelids
when we dared to approach the source
of all light & benevolent warmth…

…but we’re not young anymore, so
we looked & what we saw
changed us forever.

Now
we stand before ancient energy,
a violence our gaze can never meet,
as small animals
lost
in a fatal & final ecstasy
of rebellion:

to close our eyes,
stunned & waiting
for the after-image to fade

Afraid of what will come after.

“But I remember
when we were young”.

*Insight – Joy Division

Thought & image blend with emotion,
creating a weird creature
of our own creation,
& then
we attempt to control this creature
with language, but the wild horses
of desire,
of impulse & sensation,
cannot be tamed by satiation
or speech.

We must accept the existence
of an empty space,
the place
where we exist;
the solitude
that will always be with us,
& that can not be filled
by consumption;
by that
which consoles & poisons
in equal measure.

Nothing can save us
unless we shred instinct
& learn to forgive,
& to accept,
that sometimes we are scared
& sometimes lonely;
sometimes hurt &
sometimes just horny;

that sometimes
we are nothing more
than another animal,
born of a capricious mother
& a vast,
incomprehensible,
indifferent father,

& that all we really seek
is comfort
& some answers
to our never-ending questions,
& that these motivations
are in conflict with each other.

But acceptance is not giving up:
acceptance is defiance.

Words for Ghosts

“I remember when we were young”*

Acceptance as Defiance