We were in the sunlight

& then when
            I awoke
the morning light made me choke as
I remembered
how the gentle susurration blended
with the birdsong & the light
curved like the branches above us
to touch.
        briefly,
skin within which poison blends with pollen
& flowers blossom before I pluck them
to place in your hair where
they will wither & die.

The past still lingers in the present,
& refuses to die with the grace
of living things.

Is this why I regret everything?

I (still) adore you

For S

Every time we’re near enough to touch
                                    each other,
my body forgets the regrets
                           buried deep
in my mind & in my liver.

Do you remember when
we listened to that cover song
below a muted sun
                 as we waited
for a plane to take us away?

Just you & me
             singing
& free:

I can’t remember a more beautiful
moment
between us;

I can’t listen to that song
                                       any more…

but I will always adore you
just as we sang to each other
in that final summer

of our happiness.

“I remember when we were young”*

“With rebellion, awareness is born.” – Albert Camus

When we were young
They told us
“Never look directly at the Sun”.

& for a while we didn’t.

Not from deference
to the authority of parents,
but out of reverence
                for the warmth:

It was the animal – the It
& not the I – that compelled us
to wear the warm veil of our eyelids
when we dared to approach the source
of all light & benevolent warmth…

…but we’re not young anymore, so
we looked & what we saw
changed us forever.

                Now
we stand before ancient energy,
a violence our gaze can never meet,
as small animals
                lost
in a fatal & final ecstasy
of rebellion:

to close our eyes,
stunned & waiting
for the after-image to fade

Afraid of what will come after.

“But I remember
                when we were young”.

*Insight – Joy Division