Bipolarity in Post-Modernity Part ii

Living like this, through years-worth of wine-stained
painting on canvases of lying lips,

always breaking, always confused
with nothing left I’d hate to lose,
 
no single cell free of abuse;
through days trailing nights of half-honest,

moronic,
worst forms of self-help:

the drink, the drugs & the meaningless fucks.
Finding then failing to hold onto love.

An endless mire in which to wallow,
& cover myself in the mud.

Carving a semblance of meaning
by short-selling future living.

Scavenging for real or former feelings
to feed the worms that never stop eating.

Desperate grasps for hopeful moments,
for some sweetly fleeting comfort…

This is what it is to be in pieces,
to be comforted by your diseases:

these interchangeable scenes, these
dislocated repeating memories,

hoping for something beyond me,
for protection by all these words,

but all along I was wrong:

words are no protection at all.

Bipolarity in Post-Modernity Part i

Solidarity

The grass is no greener on the other side,
no matter what they say
& stomachs like ours can’t digest it anyway.

Whether we’re more poster-children
for just another trend
we’re still just children.

I guess that’s why its so easy to hate
& why black & white look better than grey.

But easy doesn’t leave a trace,
can’t keep that fear at bay…

not one of us is exempt.

Whatever consequence
you want to call god or
karma or claim as the fault of others,

only we can face the danger of freedom;
only we can fight the terror of existence,

but I cannot do it alone.

So

will you join me?

Flowers & fate

Morning;
        horizon cuts the throat of the Sun,
        memory separates from fantasy,
        you fail to comprehend what you’ve become.

Repeating:
        the sky bleeds above the same scenes;
        same faces, same shapes & places & you
        always another day further away

from when it began,
from when so much sand
was left in the hour-glass.

So awful it was when you finally
realised the truth;
                    when the wildflowers
withered & the blue
                    slowly faded away.

Trapped
behind darkening glass,
seeing
no way out.

How
did it come to this,
when
did all the mess begin?

& yet
either the future already exists or still
it can be changed,

                    so wait

because
not every chain
is unbreakable.

What we can see

From fetus to a handful of ashes;
 
a brief flicker of light in the darkness;
the thread of our existence,
helplessly passing from past to future;

contingent filaments entwined
within the infinite:

Just another story,
another way to escape the boring
fact that our lives are only defined
by what we think we can see in our minds……

A rainbow unweaved

Falling asleep,
we’re lost at sea,
each
swell of the surface
is a pull from the deep,

every second threatened
by a silence waiting
to claim the music
that lingers
in shivering
vibrations…

…light
plays games with sound-waves;
a spiderweb
stretches
across darkness
as we segue into dreams.

For hours we remain there
where time has no significance.

In the morning, when the mind emerges
– a butterfly crawling
from its chrysalis,
given the gift of one day to live –
you will tell me your dreams.

They are sometimes mundane,
but often they are strange
& beautiful:

a flock of birds somehow derail the train
taking you to an unknown destination,
but you escape from disaster
by leaping out of a window
& land softly
in a meadow
of wildflowers.

I don’t speak about my dreams.

I don’t speak about disturbing scenes of
eating glass
as a crowd attacks &
tears the flesh from my bones
with their hands,

or

a desert that doesn’t grow, but
moves slowly forward
with the eerie movement of mist…

Last night,
I had a dream,
that poetry still mattered &
you presented me
with lilacs as
behind you
the crowd demanded answers, but
we calmed them with elegant words.

Then I awoke,
smoked four cigarettes,
showered
shit
dressed

& went to work.