Love

Élégiaque

/ wordsforghosts / 2 Comments

For A

I no longer see why I should try not to relent
when the instinct kicks in:
fight or flight will never be a choice for
creatures like me:

some mammals just freeze…

but anyway,
please go ahead & tell me
about the problems
that weigh you down;

                    tell me about
the rivals who now also know
the sweet taste of your mouth,
                            & the others
that now know the secrets you hide inside…

Without you,
I see no reason not to think about
the old city & about
that lost life all the time:

a bride deprived of sensation & sight
after the bitter disappointment of
                                another dismal,
cliché wedding night,
through the senseless everything
I want to run,
              run,
run
      away
into
the bathetic,
self-inflicted
fuck up
of oblivion,

longing to forget everything,
except a dream I think I once had

I (still) adore you

/ wordsforghosts / 7 Comments

For S

Every time we’re near enough to touch
                                    each other,
my body forgets the regrets
                           buried deep
in my mind & in my liver.

Do you remember when
we listened to that cover song
below a muted sun
                 as we waited
for a plane to take us away?

Just you & me
             singing
& free:

I can’t remember a more beautiful
moment
between us;

I can’t listen to that song
                                       any more…

but I will always adore you
just as we sang to each other
in that final summer

of our happiness.

The End (re-written)

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This is a reworked version of a poem posted in haste a couple of weeks ago. The words needed to come out, but they were written in obvious haste.

The original is still on the blog, because I feel that the raw immediacy, for all it’s lack of dignity, still contains some value…

One last mouldering kiss,
before your lips let slip
a cut that split my tongue apart.

Our internal heat lost all warmth;
a distance so vast in a space so small.

Now nothing remains between us,
but bodies diving deep into silence,

As I try to hide my aching eyes;
you try to speak;
                but words
are just worms
crawling to the surface
                of my mind:

I can’t hear anything.

The soil is choked by salt:
I have fucked this up.

So let every worm be eaten by birds;
take away every word my love
& let me think no more.

Your eyes,
          your smile & all
those moments together:

soon the touch of those memories
will slowly disappear
& only the faintest trace
                        will remain…

The heart that once pressed against me
every night,
the heart that belongs to you,
will never be close to me again,
                                yet
wherever we find ourselves next,
whoever else we let into our beds,
 
the feeling will always remain in my chest.

How I wish this could be
the end of everything,
                    but it isn’t.

It’s just the end of what was us.

The End

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Maybe it was just a slip of the tongue
but you seem to have re-written,
the story of what was once you and me;

put as much distance as you can
between then &
                now.

Your eyes,
the smiles & the all that time spent together:

eventually the touch of all those memories
will disappear
& only the faintest trace
will remain…

can believing a lie make it a truth?
because I believe in the lie
that you still love me too;

the heart beating beside me every night,
that heart belongs to you.

Wherever we find ourselves next,
whoever else you let into your bed,
 
the feeling is still in my chest.

What we do

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Why do we do this to ourselves?

Tonight,
I will make my way to you
        again.

All night we will talk &
drink wine, while outside
twilight will silently deny
colour to the flowers of your garden.

Inside, we’ll remain ignorant
of all this save
for some ineffable sense of
        absence,

as we talk & laugh.
drink wine & then,
                perhaps,
we’ll fuck.

It’ll be fun
but through it all,
a loneliness will prevail:

The distance between us
is too vast to measure, & we
know that it won’t last forever.

Why do we do this to each other?