We were in the sunlight

& then when
            I awoke
the morning light made me choke as
I remembered
how the gentle susurration blended
with the birdsong & the light
curved like the branches above us
to touch.
        briefly,
skin within which poison blends with pollen
& flowers blossom before I pluck them
to place in your hair where
they will wither & die.

The past still lingers in the present,
& refuses to die with the grace
of living things.

Is this why I regret everything?

Élégiaque

For A

I no longer see why I should try not to relent
when the instinct kicks in:
fight or flight will never be a choice for
creatures like me:

some mammals just freeze…

but anyway,
please go ahead & tell me
about the problems
that weigh you down;

                    tell me about
the rivals who now also know
the sweet taste of your mouth,
                            & the others
that now know the secrets you hide inside…

Without you,
I see no reason not to think about
the old city & about
that lost life all the time:

a bride deprived of sensation & sight
after the bitter disappointment of
                                another dismal,
cliché wedding night,
through the senseless everything
I want to run,
              run,
run
      away
into
the bathetic,
self-inflicted
fuck up
of oblivion,

longing to forget everything,
except a dream I think I once had

I (still) adore you

For S

Every time we’re near enough to touch
                                    each other,
my body forgets the regrets
                           buried deep
in my mind & in my liver.

Do you remember when
we listened to that cover song
below a muted sun
                 as we waited
for a plane to take us away?

Just you & me
             singing
& free:

I can’t remember a more beautiful
moment
between us;

I can’t listen to that song
                                       any more…

but I will always adore you
just as we sang to each other
in that final summer

of our happiness.

The End (re-written)

This is a reworked version of a poem posted in haste a couple of weeks ago. The words needed to come out, but they were written in obvious haste.

The original is still on the blog, because I feel that the raw immediacy, for all it’s lack of dignity, still contains some value…

One last mouldering kiss,
before your lips let slip
a cut that split my tongue apart.

Our internal heat lost all warmth;
a distance so vast in a space so small.

Now nothing remains between us,
but bodies diving deep into silence,

As I try to hide my aching eyes;
you try to speak;
                but words
are just worms
crawling to the surface
                of my mind:

I can’t hear anything.

The soil is choked by salt:
I have fucked this up.

So let every worm be eaten by birds;
take away every word my love
& let me think no more.

Your eyes,
          your smile & all
those moments together:

soon the touch of those memories
will slowly disappear
& only the faintest trace
                        will remain…

The heart that once pressed against me
every night,
the heart that belongs to you,
will never be close to me again,
                                yet
wherever we find ourselves next,
whoever else we let into our beds,
 
the feeling will always remain in my chest.

How I wish this could be
the end of everything,
                    but it isn’t.

It’s just the end of what was us.