Harmonic Shivers

For S

The heart is only an organ:
anthropomorphisation of the flesh
is just another lie
                   but
poetry doesn’t need truth:

My heart speaks to you
& my skin dreams of you.
Harmonic shivers* slither up my spine
whenever I think of all those times we
spent together.

My fingertips have memories
of what we did to each other;
my liver is in mourning, my
veins keep flowing
     as my spine
                is shivering.

* Shivers – Against Me!

I (still) adore you

For S

Every time we’re near enough to touch
                                    each other,
my body forgets the regrets
                           buried deep
in my mind & in my liver.

Do you remember when
we listened to that cover song
below a muted sun
                 as we waited
for a plane to take us away?

Just you & me
             singing
& free:

I can’t remember a more beautiful
moment
between us;

I can’t listen to that song
                                       any more…

but I will always adore you
just as we sang to each other
in that final summer

of our happiness.

The End (re-written)

This is a reworked version of a poem posted in haste a couple of weeks ago. The words needed to come out, but they were written in obvious haste.

The original is still on the blog, because I feel that the raw immediacy, for all it’s lack of dignity, still contains some value…

One last mouldering kiss,
before your lips let slip
a cut that split my tongue apart.

Our internal heat lost all warmth;
a distance so vast in a space so small.

Now nothing remains between us,
but bodies diving deep into silence,

As I try to hide my aching eyes;
you try to speak;
                but words
are just worms
crawling to the surface
                of my mind:

I can’t hear anything.

The soil is choked by salt:
I have fucked this up.

So let every worm be eaten by birds;
take away every word my love
& let me think no more.

Your eyes,
          your smile & all
those moments together:

soon the touch of those memories
will slowly disappear
& only the faintest trace
                        will remain…

The heart that once pressed against me
every night,
the heart that belongs to you,
will never be close to me again,
                                yet
wherever we find ourselves next,
whoever else we let into our beds,
 
the feeling will always remain in my chest.

How I wish this could be
the end of everything,
                    but it isn’t.

It’s just the end of what was us.

Leave Me Alone

You asked me what I think
                sorrow & regret
will bring,
now the consequence of our decisions
have finally kicked in,

but the silver was stripped from my tongue when
I heard those words I never expected;
when you made me realise
there are some lives you live
& some you leave behind*

There was no answer to give you.

All I can do

is write this ugly poem &
hope that eventually we
can accept the reason

why it had to happen this way…


* Gardenhead/Leave Me Alone
– Neutral Milk Hotel

The End

Maybe it was just a slip of the tongue
but you seem to have re-written,
the story of what was once you and me;

put as much distance as you can
between then &
                now.

Your eyes,
the smiles & the all that time spent together:

eventually the touch of all those memories
will disappear
& only the faintest trace
will remain…

can believing a lie make it a truth?
because I believe in the lie
that you still love me too;

the heart beating beside me every night,
that heart belongs to you.

Wherever we find ourselves next,
whoever else you let into your bed,
 
the feeling is still in my chest.